In the hustle and bustle of today’s increasingly pressurised society it seems to be a given that most people look for ways in which to make life happier. Have you ever wondered what life might be like if everyone agreed with one another ? How would it be if everyone in the World thought the same thoughts and had the same viewpoint ?
When I was a child I can remember reading a story about a Mrs Do As You Would Be Done By, a busy woman who strove to make the world a more caring place to be. Mrs Do As You Would Be Done By admirably assumes that if we treat others as we ourselves would wish to be treated then the world will become a better place. Sounds like an excellent recipe for successful relationships doesn’t it? However, I question this hypothesis.
Every single one of our unique experiences throughout life shape who we become. Each experience we have in life changes our thinking in some way. This said, it stands to reason that our differing experiences shape how we view every situation. Siblings may share a similar upbringing but the way in which they experience their position in the family will be unique to them. Classmates being taught the same subjects by the same teachers will have a very different perspective on their lessons and indeed, their teachers. Because of our individual experiences we each see life through our own unique filter. How then is it possible for a person to make the world a happier place to be by suggesting that everyone needs to behave in the same way as themselves or, that everyone should share the same opinion as them?
Each one of us shares a common humanity whilst having the right to have our personal needs met. Perhaps a more understanding alter-ego for Mrs Do As You Would Be Done By might be Mr & Mrs I Don’t Have A Need To Be Right who treats everyone with tolerance, respectful of their differences.
As our opinions are born from each of our life experiences, it is to be expected that the differing experiences of others are going to lead to differing opinions from our own. An event or behaviour which feels right for me maybe a total anathema to you. For example:
Twins, Annie and Arthur are about to take swimming lessons before they can safely go off on the family boating holiday abroad. Annie is really looking forward to learning to swim, she has always enjoyed paddling in the shallow pools at the seaside. As you would expect, Arthur too has spent time at the beach with his twin. Arthur however, as much as he would like to be able to swim, dreads the very thought of the forthcoming lessons. One day whilst playing around the rock pools with Annie, Arthur slipped on a piece of seaweed and plunged head-first into one of the deeper pools and swallowed a significant amount of seawater which made him gasp and splutter for his breath. The sea water he swallowed made him retch and vomit. His frightening experience has created in him a fear of being immersed in water. So what seems an exciting prospect for Annie is something Arthur views as a torment to overcome if he wants to learn to swim and feel safer playing around water. Both points of view are born of a similar but differing experience and are perfectly valid and understandable.
Life becomes more difficult when we attach ourselves to a need to be right. When we take the time to consider that perhaps there are reasons why things may look different from another person’s point of view, we come to see that there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ viewpoint, there really is only difference.
The Native American saying “ To understand where a man is coming from, “walk a mile in his moccasins” still resonates today. There is always an experience, a story, to be found behind an opinion. Fostering tolerance of others’ opinions, even when we disagree with them, creates an environment of respect and consideration. When we stop needing to be ‘right’, being ‘wrong’, by definition, becomes meaningless.
Be happy
Jacqueline
